They Call Me Drama

Mawaleh was at first an idea which later became an obsession. I gave it lots of my time and effort, because, after a few issues, I thought that it was really worth the trouble. But when producing the first few issues, I really felt like I wasn’t going to continue contributing due to the lack of connection and the everyday threats of being mortared, bombed or arrested.

I had to run away from my hometown. Run away from all the fears and insecurities everybody imprinted onto my body and mind. Yet again, I lost the contact even though I was outside of Syria. I couldn’t take my PC with me, and things weren’t as promised or as I suspected. I found myself with drips of internet from time to time, until one of my roommates donated his laptop to me to work on while I was living with them.

Rose_Petals_II_by_Halo_JunkyToo many things and thoughts had to be digested and managed, which kept me from writing or designing any good stuff for the magazine and to make things worse; my family weren’t able send my PC thanks to the worsening situation there, so later on I found myself out of touch with them too.

Everything around me continued to be dramatic, but thankfully, I had that laptop and few online friends, which helped me to maintain a good state of mind. Then after few months I had to contact “Sami Hamwi” to tell him that I needed to return to Syria  as I couldn’t stay any longer in Lebanon, he discouraged that thought and offered me another way out; to fly to him and stay with him. I learned that my uncle lives in the same area Sami. So I thought: Why not? I may as well contact my uncle and stay with him.

I have now been living over a month in Sami’s household. I still haven’t seen my uncle and I don’t think I will anytime soon. I feel bad in myself, and have so much to digest. However, things with writing and designing are getting better. Although I’m still without a PC, Sami is sharing his laptop with me just as he shares everything else too. I still feel bad in myself, but I hope that feeling will soon disappear.

Nour Maarawi 

You can also read it here

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